Two Weeks in Summer
by CuttlefishRock
Summary: Bella, Alice and Rosalie are Americans in Britain for their holidays, camping. Who are these gorgeous Brits they meet? Written for xXsu-zannXx. This is her plotline, I just wrote the story... and changed it a little... ALL HUMAN. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Two Weeks in Summer**

Chapter 1)

Bella Swan hugged her mother and father tightly.

"Look after yourself-" said Renee.

"Stick with your friends-"

"Don't spend all of your money at once-"

"Bella, wear some clothing, please-"

"Charlie!" Bella squeaked.

"Don't talk to strangers," Renee continued.

"And no boys," Charlie finished, firmly.

Bella rolled her eyes.

Bella's brother Mike picked up her bag and headed for the door, Bella following. He threw the bag into the back of the red Chevy truck and yanked open his door forcibly.

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Alice Brandon tugged on a tuft of her spiky hair, trying to encourage it to co-operate. Failing, she sighed, and quickly checked through her handbag again, making sure her passport hadn't gone walk-about.

The doorbell rang, and she peeped in her mirror just once to see if her hair had miraculously gone into place. With another sigh, she dragged her suitcase down the stairs, her handbag on her slender arm, and answered the door to Bella.

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Rosalie Hale was at the airport, waiting for Alice and Bella. She wore an unusual yellow top and denim shorts that showed off her perfect body and skin.

Soon, an ancient Chevy truck pulled up, and Alice, Bella, and Bella's brother stepped out.

Bella wore a leaf-green top and clean, white jeans, which suited her brown hair and eyes well - Alice had piced out her outfit for her. Alice wore a navy, calf-length dress, with a pretty flower pattern.

Alice happily bobbed across the car park towards Rosalie, pulling her big suitcase, living up to her reputation: she was a little pixie, and a strong one, apparently.

Bella followed a little less easily, needing two hands to carry her holdall.

"Let's get our butts into this queue, then," said Rosalie, leading her friends into the airport.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two Weeks in Summer**

Chapter 2)

"Camping, huh?" Alice asked Bella, slightly un-hyper for once.

"Well, it's very _British, _isn't it?"

"I'm booking our holiday next year."

"If we survive this one, that is," said Rosalie, reluctantly stepping onto the campsite.

"Hey!" Bella defended. "We have a big tent set up, with proper beds."

"Wonderful," said Rosalie, sarcastically.

"Rose, it could be fun… kind of," said Alice, as Bella got them booked in at the reception. "It'll be… different. We're in England, so it'll be cool to be doing something British. I've been practicing my British accent!"

"You've been watching Spike in Buffy!" Bella corrected.

"What's your point?"

"Where the hell is this _lovely British tent_?" Rosalie asked Bella.

"Er… number 73, which is in row 5."

"That means… nothing to me."

"Hee hee, you're Americans!" said a deep, but somehow childish voice, from behind them. "Hot Americans, too!"

"Are you some kind of creep?" Rosalie demanded, flicking out her long, blonde hair.

"Sor-ry," said the guy, who was revealed to be bear-sized: tall and impossibly wide with thick muscles. "You're looking for row 5?"

"Maybe," said Rosalie, trying to be intimidating.

"Er… well, you're in it."

"Thanks," Bella and Alice chorused.

"You're tiny!" the guy exclaimed, seeing Alice properly.

Alice crossed her arms, looking even more pixie-like than usual.

The guy looked even more amused. "I'm Emmett. My friend booked us this holiday, to _educate our British-ness._"

"You're already British," said Rosalie.

"That's what I told Eddie, but noooooo-pe. We have to sleep in a field for two weeks."

"It sounds like _Eddie _and Bella would get along," said Rosalie.

"Do you want to meet up some when, then?" Emmett asked, eagerly.

"Sure," said Bella, before Rosalie could object.

"OK, then! See you around."


	3. Chapter 3

**Two Weeks in Summer**

Chapter 3)

"ALICE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Rosalie screeched.

"Rose, there are two sheets separating you two – there is no need to shout," said Bella, who had been allocated the middle bedroom. She was currently unpacking her bag into the perfectly sized chest of drawers next to her big single bed. Her 'room' was small but cosy, and had a torch hanging from the ceiling to serve as a light.

Alice was stood on her bed, pretending to surf, whilst singing Miami Vice. She had unpacked, using her suitcase as storage also, and had put her pyjamas neatly on the end of her bed. She had recently finished dancing around, spraying her perfume.

Rosalie had claimed the double bed, and was now inspecting the cooker in the living area / kitchen, which consisted of the camping stove, plastic table with six chairs, cupboard of plates, bowls and cutlery, on top of which was a box for food. A whistled kettle was on the stove, and by the door was a six-litre water container.

"We have a toilet block about 50 metres away," Bella announced, after peeping out of her plastic window.

The sounds of a scuffle nearby made them all listen. There was a chorus of laughter, followed by: "Help, he's trying to rape me!" which sounded a lot like Emmett.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and walked out of the tent towards the commotion, Alice and Bella following.

"Fun's over, fellows," Rosalie announced, as she reached the guys' tent, where a tall, blonde guy had Emmett pinned down on the floor, and was hitting him over the head with a pillow.

"Wow…" Emmett said, instead.

"Stop gawping," the blonde guy said to Emmett, in a thick, Northern accent.

Rosalie walked off.

"Wait!" Emmett yelled, pushing the blonde guy aside to get to her.

Rosalie turned back to him to raise a perfect, blonde eyebrow.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"He wasn't actually trying to rape me – he's my friend. I'm not gay! I'm not gay at all!"

"OK."

"Marry me," Emmett breathed.

The blonde stood up to hit him. "Will you behave?"

"Huh?" asked Emmett, slightly dazed.

"That's no way to behave in front of a lady!"

"Guys, give it a rest," said the bronze-haired guy in the corner, sitting at the table, reading a thick book.

Emmett and the blonde guy rolled their eyes. "Sorry, _Edward._"

"I apologise for my friends – they are idiot," he told the girls, his eyes resting on Bella a while longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter has over 2000 words, and took me a very long time to type up, so be nice!**

Chapter 4)

"Rose, we're going to a pub," Bella muttered, trying to dodge away from the can of hairspray.

"There _will _be people," said Alice, who was sat cross-legged on the table, half daydreaming, and half mentally dressing herself and her friends for the evening.

"Alice, be restraint," Bella warned her best friend.

"Rose, your red dress. Bella, I'm thinking your dark blue top with the pretty neckline, and that lovely white skirt."

"What are you wearing, Al?" Rosalie asked, as she rummaged through her suitcase to find her casual red dress.

"I'm thinking maybe my blue skirt and a black top."

"Nice. Go for it."

"Your non-existent carriage awaits, ladies," said Emmett's voice outside their tent.

"Just a moment!" Alice called, in her pixie soprano. She pulled on her black boots to give her a bit of height, then grabbed her handbag and waited for Bella and Rosalie to come to the door before zipping it open.

The guys all wore jeans, shirts, and jackets to hold off the evening chill.

"OK, peeps, it will get cold tonight, if you want to bring coats…"

"We'll be fine," said Rosalie.

"The pub's just down the road," said Edward. "We're paying, so don't bother bringing money."

Bella looked uncomfortable about this. "You don't know us. It's not fair."

Edward shrugged. "It's not particularly classy: it's good and cheap."

Emmett grinned and whispered something in the blonde guy's ear, causing him to hit Emmett.

"What did he say, Jasper?" Edward asked.

Jasper snorted, not telling.

"Fine…"

They started walking, with Edward at the front, followed by Emmett, Rosalie, Bella and Alice. Jasper walked at the back. Soon, they came to a warm pub, named The Moon Star.

Edward got a round in, and inquired about a table for six.

"We've only got two free tables left, I'm afraid: a two and a four," replied the barmaid.

"Oh. OK. Thanks." He took their tray of drinks and followed her over to the two free tables by the fire. They were circular, so they couldn't be pushed together. "OK, let's not encourage gay rumours…"

"I'm not sitting alone with the over-sized teddy," Rosalie warned.

"OK, Barbie and the teddy are on the big table," said Emmett.

"How anti-social are you feeling, Jazz?" Edward asked Jasper, who shrugged. "Ladies, any preference?"

"Well, I know Bella likes Edward-" Alice began.

"Alice!"

"Sorry, Bella."

"OK, I meant table preference, but…" said Edward, bemused.

"Can I sit with Jasper?" Alice asked, managing not to blush.

"Sure: he's less likely to do something humiliating that would make great black mail," said Emmett.

Jasper took his and Alice's drinks and set them down on the two-person table, pulling out the chair by the fire for her. "You're Alice." It wasn't a question, but Alice nodded. "Are you still at school?"

"We're leaving next year. You're not, are you?"

"No," he said, quietly. He passed her the menu. "Keep away from the spaghetti bolognaise."

"Why?" she giggled.

"The chef who makes the sauce just got fired."

"Ah."

"Mm. He's been having trouble keeping his phlegm to himself since."

Alice peeped down the menu. "Are you having a starter?"

"I will if you do," he smiled.

"That's not a straight answer."

"And? I never promised you one."

"You have very blue eyes," she breathed, as the firelight caught his eyes.

He bit back a laugh. "Are all Americans this open?"

"Umm…" she blushed.

"Apparently not… Are you having a starter, then?"

"I… well, this soup sounds nice."

"Which one?"

"Tomato and basil," said Alice, as _British_ly as she could.

Jasper couldn't hold back a laugh. "And the main?"

"Fish and chips."

He laughed. "Are you planning dessert, or are you seeing how hungry you are afterwards?"

"Hmm…. If I am hungry, then the sticky toffee pudding sounds nice."

"Good choice."

"What about you?" Alice asked, handing him the menu.

"I shall go for the potato and leek soup, followed by the macaroni cheese, and possible the lemon cheesecake."

"That sounds nice," said Alice, taking a sip of her red wine.

"Excellent." He snapped the menu shut and leant over to hand it to Bella on the other table.

"So, you said that you've left school?"

"I'm 25."

"Oh. You look younger."

He raised an eyebrow slightly. "The company I keep had worn off on me, apparently. Em and Ed are both 21."

"We're all 18."

"And what do you want to be?"

"Um… Oh."

Jasper quickly told the waitress their orders, then returned his attention back to Alice.

"I'm not really sure. Something to do with fashion, hopefully."

"Fashion? Hmm…." He went all thoughtful.

She remained silent, just watching him think.

Emmett leaned back to whisper in her ear. "If he gets really un-talky, just say 'Civil War' and he'll talk for hours."

Jasper looked unconcerned, and went on thinking.

"Jasper?" said Alice, after five minutes of silence.

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?" She leant forwards and rested her chin on her folded hands.

"I'm trying to recall the name of the cousin I have in Texas who works for a fashion magazine."

"Texas, huh?"

"Mm. My great-grandfather was born there."

"Where are you from?"

"Northumberland."

"Er… where?"

Jasper laughed. "Britain, just below Scotland. I'm quite surprised you can understand me, because Em and Ed struggle."

"You have a lovely voice."

"Er…. Right."

"Where do you live?"

"Way down in the South: Dorset."

"Why did you move?" Alice asked.

"Personal reasons," he said shortly.

Alice took her elbows off the table, as their intimate moment was shattered.

Luckily, their starters came, and Jasper smiled apologetically at Alice, who smiled back and nudged his leg with her foot.

"Look who's playing footsie under the table…" said Emmett, gleefully.

Unable to throw anything at him, Jasper leant over to whisper a deadly threat in Emmett's ear. Emmett mimed zipping his mouth and returned to his table's conversation.

Alice smiled.

"Do you like England yet?"

She nodded. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

He considered for a moment. "No."

"Why don't you come with us? We're going round the town, I think."

"I don't think town's a good idea… for me, at least," he said slowly, like he was being careful with his words.

"Why?"

His face grew pained. "Would you kick me if I said 'personal reasons'?"

"Yes."

"Sorry. Personal reasons."

Alice frowned.

"Your soup'll get cold," he said, before she could say anything.

Alice resumed eating.

"Nice?" he asked, when they had both finished.

She nodded. "Very."

"Good."

"Are you sure you don't want me to pay?"

"My treat," Jasper murmured, stacking their plates and bowls for the waitress when she came. "All you have to do is enjoy it."

Alice smiled.

The waitress came over and replaced their empty plates with their main courses.

"You can have some of mine if I can have a chip," Jasper bargained.

Alice put a handful of chips on his plate and dipped another in his cheese sauce for herself.

He pushed the plate nearer to her so that she could return for more.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked.

He blinked. "I'm not leaving."

"No, I mean, will you sleep with – No, that doesn't sound right, either… Will you sleep _next _to me tonight?"

"If you want me to."

"Yeah, I get a bit nervous in new places." She returned to her meal.

Twenty minutes later, they had finished their main courses, and again Jasper stacked the plates to make it easier for the waitress.

"You OK by the fire?" Jasper checked.

She nodded.

"It gets cold in the evenings – this is nothing in Scotland, of course – but a little nippy. It's worse by the coast, because the wind whips up, too."

"It's a good thing I've got you tonight, then," said Alice.

Jasper raised an eyebrow, but made no comment, instead fiddling with his paper napkin.

Absorbed in this simple exercise, Alice rested her chin on her hands again to watch him as he fashioned the napkin into a pretty purse. He stole Alice's tissue as well and made another, then leant over to the big table and stole theirs also, and took a biro from his jacket pocket.

He thanked the waitress when she brought out their puddings, but left it untouched while he doodled on the purses, hiding them from Alice with his arm.

"Pesky pixie," he murmured, when she tried to peep. He pushed his piece of cheesecake over to her after stealing a bit of the base. "Help yourself. Do you want another drink?"

"Only if you do."

"I was going to have a cup of tea."

"May I have some hot chocolate?"

"Sure." He stood up to get them, asking at the big table as he went.

"Any good black mail?" Emmett asked Alice, instantly.

"Isn't he lovely?" she asked, slightly dreamily.

Edward made a slight noise in his throat, then winced as Emmett kicked him.

"What?" Alice demanded.

"Nothing."

Jasper returned with everyone's drinks and bills, and sat down again.

"Eat your cheesecake," said Alice. "It's looking at me."

"Sorry."

Alice yawned as she picked up her mug of frothy hot chocolate and held it in her hands.

"Tired?"

She nodded.

"Finish your hot chocolate and we'll go back, OK?"

"And you'll stay with me?"

"For as long as you want me."

"Cool."

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"You look kind of cute right now."

Alice giggled.

Ten minutes later, Jasper took out his wallet and put the money for his and Alice's meals, plus a generous tip, into one of the purses.

"Ready?" he asked Alice, leaving the purse on the bill on the table.

She nodded and stood up, carefully sliding her chair back under the table. "See you when you get back, 'kay?" She said the Rosalie and Bella as she followed Jasper out.

The cold wind hit her fiercely as they stepped out, and Alice longed to be back inside by the warm fire.

"Are you cold?" Jasper asked.

"A bit," Alice admitted, willing her teeth not to start chattering.

He took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders.

She huddled close to him, and he wrapped one arm about her waist. "Aren't you cold now?"

"Nah."

"Liar," she said, touching his face gently. "Your lips are colder than ice."

"That's only because no one's kissed them in a while."

Alice stopped walking to press her lips to the side of his jaw.

"Left a bit…" Jasper murmured.

Alice pressed her lips to his for a moment.

Jasper smiled down at her, and she cuddled up to him warmly.

Soon, they reached the campsite, and Jasper made a quick detour to fetch some of his stuff.

Alice turned on the torch hanging from her bedroom ceiling and tugged on her fleecy pyjamas, eagerly getting into her comfy bed.

Jasper came in shortly after, jogging bottoms on instead of jeans, and added his pillows to the bed, plus extra blankets, and cuddled up to her in the single bed.

"This is nice," she said, as he enfolded her in his arms.

He kissed her ear before reaching up to turn off the torch.

**OK, that was long, I know.**

**Little references: Northumberland (my dad's family all come from there, as does my best friend, so therefore possibly my favourite place in Britain)**

**Dorset: I live there :)**

**Reviews = :)**


	5. Chapter 5

5)

"Can we sort of not go to town today?" Alice asked Bella and Rosalie at breakfast.

"This wouldn't be because of a certain blonde named _Jasper_, would it?" Bella teased.

"Bella, we're out of water," said Rosalie, as she tipped the kettle spout vertically into her mug of coffee.

Bella – who had tripped and spilt the water container earlier – reluctantly got up and lugged the big container to the tap in the middle of rows 5 and 6. She stood there for nearly five minutes to let it fill, then turned off the tap. She got a good grip on the handle, and tried to lift it, to no hope. Instead, she got behind it so that she could push it with all of her body weight, again failing.

"Bella?" came Jasper's voice.

"Hi, Jasper."

He had left fairly early this morning to go for his daily run. "Are you OK?" he seemed slightly amused at her struggles.

"How long have you been watching?"

"Only a few minutes. Do you want a hand?"

"No," she announced, turning away to attempt to shove it along again.

"Bella, you're being ridiculous. Just let me get it out of the way of the tap, yes? Other people will need to use it."

"Fine."

He pulled it fairly easily out of the concrete drain and onto the grass. "Your tent is on the way to mine. It would be no trouble…"

"I can manage, thank you."

"Of course. See you later, Bella." He jogged off, barely containing his laughter.

"Stupid, annoying… annoying…" Bella grumbled, as she tried to heave thee water container along the ground.

"Bella?"

"Edward, I need help."

His velvet chuckle wasn't at her weakness, she sensed.

He pulled the container along with less ease than Jasper had, but Bella ignored this fact. As long as it reached her tent…

"What are you doing tonight?" Edward asked her, his voice a little strained with his effort.

"Rose wants to go to the beach."

"Nice. Please dress warmly."

Bella resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Do you want to come?"

"Sure. I'd like that."

"Cool. "

"Yeah."

"Thanks for helping…" Bella mumbled, as they reached her tent.

"No problem. Jasper usually- Hi, Alice."

"What were you saying about Jasper? Hi, also."

"Er… yeah. Jasper normally gets our water, because he still likes to keep his fitness up, like when he was in the army."

"He was in the army?" Alice and Bella both asked.

"Yeah. He was good, apparently. He only left because of injuries."

"What injuries?"

"Knife attack. He hasn't been the same since. I should go, before Em eats everything again."

Alice smiled half-heartedly as he left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Two Weeks in Summer**

**Chapter 6)**

"Barbie!"

"Why do I have a teddy bear stalker?" Rosalie muttered, as she flicked on more mascara.

"Because he likes you," said Alice, who was happily flicking through a fashion magazine whilst sitting on the table again.

"Barbie doll!" Emmett called again.

"This stupid beach is going to muck up my hair!" Rosalie whined.

"Know what it's like to be imperfect for once!" Bella retorted.

Rosalie made a whining noise in her throat.

"Is seven years a big age gap?" Alice pondered.

"Shall I wear my black coat or my red one?"

"The black one. Do you think Jasper's a good kisser?"

"Shall I wear my red beret?"

"Sure. How many girlfriends do you think he's had?"

"I don't know – he seems the quiet type," said Bella.

"Barbie doll, oh Barbie doll… Ouch. Bugger off, Jazz."

"Jasper!" Alice squeaked, jumping off the table and going out of the tent to greet him.

"Hello, fairy." He enfolded her in his arms. "You brought a coat. Good."

"Can I still get cuddles off you?"

He smiled and picked her up by the waist, so that he was nose-to-nose with her. "You can have a cuddle whenever you like."

"Hey, Eskimos. Hi, Bella," said Edward, smiling widely as she walked over without tripping. "And how are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Good. Better now I'm with you."

"Oh."

"Bella, don't sound so awkward," advised Rosalie, finally emerging from the tent.

Emmett picked her up and started spinning around.

"Put-me-down!" she squeaked, trying not to laugh.

He moved her onto his back. "Not until you say 'please'."

"Hmph."

Alice squeaked. "Edward, why do you have a guitar?"

"He wants to show off to Bella," Jasper told her.

"Why? She's totally in love with him already."

Jasper snorted.

"Bah. Are you staying with me again tonight?"

"If you want me to."

She nodded.

"Down you go, little fairy," he murmured, setting her on her feet.

"Did I get heavy?"

"No, I just don't want Bella to be uncomfortable, seeing as she was the only lady with her feet on the ground."

"I can manage two," said Emmett, boldly picking up Bella as well.

"No, Emmett, put me down!" Bella squeaked. "I'll hurl! I will!"

Emmett laughed and set her back down. Rosalie also took this opportunity to get down.

"Come on then, ladies – it's no fun if we don't see the sunset," said Edward, taking Bella's hand and proceeding to walk off.

Rosalie and Emmett walked along together behind them, followed by Alice and Jasper. Bella tripped, and Edward only just caught her.

"Try and keep upright, please?" Edward begged her.

"I'll try my very hardest."

"You have a beautiful voice."

"I adore your accent, I must admit," Bella admitted.

"You know Bella is Italian for 'beautiful'?"

"So they say."

"It definitely fits with you."

"Does Edward mean 'Greek God' in some language?"

"I'm not exactly sure…"

They reached the edge of the pebbly beach, and Bella peeked behind her to see where her friends were: Rosalie was perched on Emmett's back so that she wouldn't damage her shoes, while Alice was watching Jasper squash a large cardboard box.

"What the hell is Jasper doing?" Bella asked Edward, trying to see more quickly.

Edward followed her eye line. "Oh, god, not again…"

Jasper seated himself on one end, keeping most of the cardboard in front of him as he faced down the smooth slope of the beach.

"You can't be serious," Bella heard Alice say.

"Come on, Alice," he replied, his thick accent making it difficult to understand.

Alice hesitantly sat down in front of him, letting him hold her between his legs, him gripping the edge of the cardboard behind his back. She cringed back a little as he began to shuffle the make-shift sledge forwards, then quickly propelled it so that it slid down the hill, gaining speed.

Jasper whooped as they came into proper hearing distance. He readjusted the angle of the cardboard so that they skidded to a halt just next to Bella and Edward. "What do you think of that entrance?"

"Very impressive," said Edward.

"I want a go!" Emmett shouted, pushing Jasper off to sit down. Jasper pulled Alice up.

"You OK?" Edward asked Alice. "I apologise for Jasper's immaturity…"

"No, it was fun," Bella insisted.

"Whoo-hoo!" Emmett yelled, as he crashed down the hill.

Alice cuddled back up to Jasper.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked Bella.

She shrugged.

Edward wrapped his arm around her. "Jazz, did you bring your lighter?"

"Probably…" Jasper fished about in his jacket pockets, bringing out a random selection of items in his search: a pen, a notebook, an army knife, a few rocks, three plastic soldiers, a foreign coin, a bundle of string, a packet of cigarettes, a box of matches… "Will matches do?"

"Sure." Edward gathered up some dry wood from around them and set it all in a pile, then set it alight.

"Toy soldiers?" Alice inquired, as she settled down on Jasper's knee by the fire.

"I have a nephew."

"Sure."

Jasper took out his wallet and flipped it open to the space for photos and took out four to show Alice. "My parents…" He showed her a picture of a middle-aged couple with his honey hair. "My sisters…" He showed her the photo of three ladies in their early twenties. He touched each face from left to right, naming them. "Emilia, Su-zann, and Clara." He skipped to the next photo, which was of Clara holding a pretty baby boy. "He's… four now."

"What about the last photo?" asked Alice, as he slid them back into his wallet.

A shadow passed over his face, and he took out the photo he hadn't shown her, keeping it hidden in his palm. He stared at it for a while, then threw it onto the fire.

Alice watched as the photo of a pretty lady smoked, caught fire, and slowly burnt to ash. "Who was it?"

"Maria," Edward supplied, sitting down with Bella. He had his guitar out, and was tuning it by ear.

Rosalie and Emmett were sliding down the hill on the sledge, causing the pebbles to cascade down the hill with them.

"Who's Maria?" Bella asked.

Edward began to play softly, but didn't answer.

"Part of my past," Jasper murmured.

Edward made no comments or facial expressions, his eyes fixed on the neck of his guitar, where his long fingers pressed as he continued to play his pretty tune.

"How long have you been playing?" Bella asked Edward, as Jasper didn't look like he would elaborate.

"A while," he replied, looking up for the first time in a while. "I had lessons while I was in school. Jazz's completely self-taught. He's better than me."

"Hard to believe."

"I platy the piano, too, but I don't think even Em could lug one of those down here… without breaking it, of course."

"Em's speciality is the triangle, and banging on saucepans with wooden spoons."

"Nice," said Bella.

"What are you grinning about, fairy?" Jasper inquired of Alice, who had a massive smile on her face.

"Will you play for me?" she asked, fluttering her dark eyelashes.

"Pesky little… leprechaun."

"None of us here are Irish."

He adapted a rather impressive Irish accent. "Top o' the morning to ya."

"Stop him, please," Edward begged Alice. "He once talked like that for an entire day."

"So?" asked Jasper, still keeping the accent.

"You had a job interview at my company."

"Oh, aye…"

"Point proven, Jazzy," said Alice.

He blinked at his new nickname, bemused.

Alice placed Edward's guitar in Jasper's hands. "Please?"

Jasper adjusted some of the strings on the perfectly tuned guitar, possibly just to annoy Edward, before starting a sweet tune. _"Oh, the wind comes over the sea_

_Oh the wind comes over the fields_

_The fields of precious… potatoes…." _He sang softly, still holding onto the accent. _"Potatoes, potatoes_

_O, brown carbohydrates_

_Mashed, roasted, baked_

_Boiled, crisped, chipped_

_Raw for a dare_

_Microwaved for the lazy _(Em)

_O, sweet, glorious potatoes…" _His tune formed a pretty instrumental, lasting for just the right amount of time. _"Pretty potatoes_

_So perfect with_

_Salad for summer_

_And with beans and cheese in winter_

_O, the humble potato."_

"Did you just make that up?" asked Bella, amazed.

"No, I stay up every night writing potato-themed songs," said Jasper, sarcastically.

Bella giggled.

The sun was just setting now, casting a faint, orangey light everywhere. The sun was a pinky purple, and Edward happily cuddled up to Bella as the evening chill kicked in a little more.


	7. Chapter 7

7

"Good morning, sleepy," said Edward, as Alice emerged from her room. His bronze hair was messy, as he had barely been up for half an hour, but his green eyes were lively with happiness.

Alice just yawned in response. "Did Jazz stay last night?"

Edward chuckled, and Bella kicked him under the table.

"Yes, he did," said Bella, continuing to munch through her bowl of cereal.

"Did I really fall asleep?" Alice groaned, as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

"Pretty much," said Edward. "Jasper carried you back from the beach. Well done for the whole Maria thing, though – he's been carrying that picture for about five years too long."

Alice shrugged, and took a slurp of juice.

"Beach today, yeah?" Rosalie checked, as she came into the tent with Emmett, holding his hand.

"Yes," said Alice. "It's nice and sunny."

"Can we take a ball down?" Emmett asked, eagerly.

"Sure," said Edward, "just don't mock the infants any more."

The ball collided with Emmett's skull. Alice, who had thrown it, was giggling with Bella, while Edward was struggling to keep a straight face as he asked Emmett if he was OK.

"Where's the pesky little fly?" Emmett demanded, glancing around for Alice.

Jasper ran over in case he was needed.

Emmett lunged for the pixie, who in turn darted behind Jasper. Emmett flattened him instead.

"Em! Not ready for this! I've been hurt in the past, you know…" joked Jasper, despite the muffled creaking of his bones. "Get off, you're squashing me."

Emmett's eyes still flickered around for the pixie.

Jasper, now actually unable to breathe, struggled to be free.

Emmett spotted Alice hovering behind Bella, and dived again, but accidentally stood wholly on Jasper's stomach.

Everyone cringed, waiting for the sickening crunch, but instead came a thud, and a girlish squeak.

Next thing, Emmett was hopping around, clutching his… man's bits. Then he lunged at Jasper' again, trying to stay upright as Jasper rolled away. Then fell to the floor as Jasper rugby-tackled him.

"Bella, is it just me, or does Jasper look totally hot right now?" Rosalie whispered.

Unluckily for her, Alice heard, and pounced on her.

"Pixie attack! PIXIE ATTACK!"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8)

"Bella?"

"Mm-hm?"

Edward looked highly nervous as he quickly glanced at the other four, who were sitting at the big table at the pub. "Er…"

"You're getting as awkward as me," Bella noted, as she took a sip of her wine.

His hand went to his pocket, making sure – for about the millionth time this evening – that the small box in there hadn't gone walkabout. He sighed as his fingers closed around the velvet-covered case, and his mind worked hard to remember some words, then went into overload when it came to actually trying to get his mouth to form them.

"Edward, are you OK? You look like you're in pain."

Edward just shook his head.

"Jasper?" Bella called, hoping for a sophisticated answer from someone who knew Edward well.

Jasper took her seriously enough to look past Alice at Edward. "Eek. Edward? Was it the spaghetti bolognaise? I did warn you…"

Edward was almost green now. _Word, words…_

"Are you going to hurl?"

_Heads, shoulders… er…. knees and toes. Fingers! _Edward stuck his middle finger up at Jasper, who snorted.

"Tasteful, polite. Good luck, Bella."

"Marry me?" Edward blurted out to Bella.

Bella blinked. "Er…"

Jasper shot her a warning look, reminding her of Edward's current mental state.

"Edward, we're going home tonight. I have school to finish. I can't… not now."

Edward nodded knowingly, as he had gotten to _heads…_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9)

"Edward, I'm so sorry," Bella murmured, as she, Edward, Alice and Jasper all sat in the airport waiting room.

"It's no problem – it's not like I got a… ring…" He groaned aloud and grimaced. "I did not think this through."

"You were being rash… and romantic."

"And you're being practical."

'Now boarding.'

Alice burst into tears, clinging desperately to Jasper's shirt. "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go…"

"We'll meet up some when, yeah?" Bella asked Edward.

"Sure. We'll come to America and see how Jasper's accent confuses everyone. Em does a pretty good cockney one, too…"

'Boarding.'

"You go and get your seat on the plane. I'll start writing you a letter this evening," Edward promised.

Bella smiled and nodded. "I'll write back the minute I get it."

"Thank you."

Bella stood up, and Edward mirrored her to give her one last hug. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Please don't forget me."

"Jasper, I'm not leaving. I bluntly refuse. Don't you dare suggest I get on this stupid plane!" Alice objected, stubbornly.

"I'll never forget you."

'Boarding.'

"Where's Rose?" Bella asked, looking around.

"Hmm… Em's gone, too. Wonder what they're doing…"

"Jasper, please can I stay?" Alice had gone back to sweet and adorable pleading. "Please?"

'Boarding.'

Emmett and Rosalie came out of the loos as inconspicuously as possible. Rosalie pecked him on the lips. "Ta ta, honey. Ready, Bella?"

Bella nodded.

"Pixie! Come on!"

Alice bit deeply on Jasper's neck, earning a sharp hiss of pain from him.

"Wh -?"

"You're not forgetting me just yet," she said, fiercely.

His confused gaze turned to adoration. "I'll never forget you. Ever."

She nodded, tears now spilling down her face. "Love you, Jasper."

"Love you, Ali."

'Final call.'


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10)

**Two Years Later**

_Dearest Alice_

_How are you? I hope your new job is going well. Emmett was rather stupid earlier, and decided to only eat red things to see if he went red. I gave him a glass of red food colouring and told him it was human blood. He almost threw up over Edward's dictionary…_

_--_

_I have grounded Emmett for almost regurgitating his breakfast – which I made – on my favourite dictionary. Jasper teased me for reading it in the first place. Idiots, Bella, surround me and I am hoping to see you soon. I miss you most dearly…_

_--_

_It's weird without you, Rosie. I miss the sex…_

_--_

_Forever yours, Bella, my love…_

_--_

_I miss you, Alice. All my love, Jasper Whitlock._


	11. Chapter 11

Two Weeks in Summer

Chapter 11)

Jasper examined the map that Edward had just bought. "We're in the wrong bloody state. That's just great."

"Jasper, will you at least _act_ slightly positive? We're in America!"

"We have an address," said Emmett, looking at the positive side.

"We _are_ in the wrong fucking state," said Edward.

"HYPOCRITE!" Jasper accused him. "Oh, when _Jasper_ says it, he's just being _irritating…"_

"There is no way that I am asking anyone which state we are in, as I still have some dignity left-"

"LA LA LA LA LA! WELCOME TO EDWARD'S LA LA LAND, WHERE HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT-"

"And I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie, and I'm starting to feel it's right, all the attraction, the tension, don't you see baby, this is perfection…"

"EMMETT!" Jasper and Edward both yelled in unison.

"'Ello, guvnor," said Emmett, touching his invisible cap to a confused-looking passer-by, in a thick cockney accent.

"Top o' the morning to ya!" Jasper added.

A lady passing him gave him an odd look.

"She's after your lucky charms, mate," said Emmett.

"I'm glad I didn't bring my kilt, then…"


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to everyone for their reviews and addings to alerts and favourites and stuff, as you have helped me get 59 emails in one sitting! Thank you so much! It makes me feel loved… If anyone reading this is also reading Jasper and the Hospital Stay, then thank you for all ideas and reviews, and I'll be working on that. I'm currently working on Jasper and the Demon Barber, a Sweeney Todd crossover, which I haven't typed yet, plus an original story that one day I am hoping to get published. If you would like a little preview of either of these, then feel free to request one. Thank you!**

**Two Weeks in Summer**

**Chapter 12)**

"No way!" Rosalie squealed, as her car slowly died on the road. She swung the wheel to try to get it off and out of the way, but only half-achieved this.

She got out, highly annoyed, and tried to shove her beloved car fully off the road.

A red pick-up truck honked at her and pulled over.

Rosalie cursed under her breath.

Then Emmett stepped out. "Need some help?"

"If you're offering…"

He strained slightly to push the car, and Rosalie silently admired the way his muscles seemed to bulge as they were used.

When her BMW was out of the road, she threw the bonnet up, adjusting this wire and that…. "Why are you in America?"

"To see you, beautiful."

"Mm-hm. Where did you get that truck?"

"I bought it off a drunk guy for $10."

"Nice. Where are you staying?"

"Er… in the truck."

Rosalie abandoned her work to stare.

"Edward fucked up our financial situation… temporarily."

"I s'pose you're staying with us now, then."

"Hea-ven!"


	13. Chapter 13

Two Weeks in Summer

Chapter 13)

The doorbell rang, and Alice sprinted to get it, Bella and Rosalie close behind.

"Hello, pixie."

Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and pulled him to her bedroom.

"You're not the only one who's been missing the sex for two years," she informed him, pushing him down on the bed.

He just grinned.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The doorbell rang, and Alice sprinted to get it, Bella and Rosalie close behind.

"Hello, pixie."

Alice physically leapt into Jasper's arms, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly.

"Easy, little fairy," he murmured, as her tiny tears started flowing.

"OK…" she snuffled, leaning back to look at him. Her dark eyes were shiny with tears, and her hair was artfully out of place, but these things made her look even more adorable. She cuddled up to him, positively beaming.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The doorbell rang, and Alice sprinted to get it, Bella and Rosalie close behind.

"Hello, pixie."

Bella squeezed past Jasper, who was being attacked by Alice, to get to Edward.

He kissed her gently on the lips, one hand trailing down one of her arms to hold her hand, before he slid down on one knee, and flipped open the velvet box.

No words were needed, and Bella simply nodded.


	14. Chapter 14

14)

"Bella, pass the bottle," said Alice, as she sat snuggled up to Jasper on the floor of the living room.

Bella passed the bottle of red wine to her, and Alice squeaked and dropped the bottle. Jasper caught it and put it down, highly concerned. "Alice? What is it?"

"You – you!" she glanced from Bella to Edward. "You could have told me!"

"Huh?" asked Emmett, tearing his eyes away from Rosalie's chest to look confused.

Jasper followed Alice's eye line, smiling as he saw the ring on Bella's finger.

"Can I plan your wedding?" Alice burst out. "Please please please? I'll be semi-restraint. No excess glitter. Or feathers. Or smarties…"

Bella looked doubtful, as did Edward.

"Please?" Alice pleaded, her lower lip quivering, her eyes getting shiny…

"I hate you, Alice," said Bella, miserably, cringing into Edward's chest.

"YAY!" Alice jumped to her feet.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Edward?" said Emmett.

"Yep?"

"The best man issue…"

"I was meaning to mention that," said Jasper, hurrying over.

Edward looked at their expectant faces. "Oh. Er…"

"Get on with it, Eddie – I need to piss," said Emmett.

"Man, I never call you 'Eddie', or… need to piss," said Jasper.

"Edie's pet," muttered Emmett.

"Says he who almost puked on his dictionary."

"What's your point?"

"Careful you don't piss on it."

"Jasper, I have more control than to whiz on a geek's dictionary – I did once, and it prodded my ass with a compass."

"Edward, did you just hear that? I shall annotate: he called you a geek, admitted that he has pissing issues, referred to a geek as 'it', and freely admitted that someone has poked his ass with a compass!"

"Excellent points, Jazz, but…" muttered Edward.

"You're seriously still considering me?" asked Emmett.

"_Seriously?"_ asked Jasper, appalled.

"WOZ-UP!" Emmett gloated, doing his 'victory dance'.

"Em, quit with the beat-box," said Edward.

"Yeah, and stop trying to break-dance," said Jasper.

"Just coz you wish you could dance like this," said Emmett.

" 'Dance' is a bit of an exaggeration…"

"Eddie, can we have hip-hop at the after-party? And electro…"

"Sure. And, purely to see Jasper's face, Em is best man."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15)

"Jasper, you are a genius," Edward said, as Jasper led him and Emmett into the living room, which was well stocked for a guys night in: beer could be found in cans and bottles on every surface, plus the fridge, which was stocked with 'manly nibbles', as Alice called them: chicken drumsticks, sausage rolls…

"An entire evening for you to ask us _anything_," said Emmett.

"And we promise not to mock you," said Jasper.

"No way," announced Edward.

"Have a few beers, and we'll just see…"

-0-0—0-0-0—0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Edward started buzzing.

"He's out of it, the little lightweight," said Emmett, who was on his fifth bottle of beer.

"I love you guys…" said Edward, who was on his third.

"He's completely pissed," confirmed Jasper, who was on a respectable fourth.

"Am not…"

"Edward, who are you marrying tomorrow?"

"B-Bella-who-ha!"

"To use her full name…"

"I love her… almost as more as you guy…"

"And he complains at our grammar," said Emmett.

Edward started buzzing.

Jasper started hiccupping.

"Buzz…. Buzz…. What's sex like? Buzz…"

"Well – HIC – it's pretty nice."

"Like… porn. But you're in it," explained Emmett.

"Wow…"

"What if he – HIC – watches – HIC – lesbian porn?"

"Then it's a little different."

"Buzz… Buzz…"

"HIC!"

"You freaks are annoying."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16)

"I'm actually considering skipping your wedding, Alice," said Bella, as Alice braided her long brown hair.

Alice looked shocked. "But… Bella!" she whined. "JASPER!"

Bella rolled her eyes as Jasper, forever concerned and protective, came into the room in the church, eyes narrowed.

"Bella's being mean," Alice cried, cuddling up to him.

Jasper pressed his lips together to refrain from laughing. "Shush, little fairy…"

"Is she actually crying?" Bella inquired.

"Yes. She's ruining her eyes."

These were the magic words, and Alice detached herself from Jasper to check her make-up in the mirror.

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Your enthusiasm is minimal," Jasper noted.

Bella wore a lovely white dress, long and gorgeously simple, with a corset-style top that exaggerated her small waist. Her hair was now partially braided, as Alice had planned, while some hung loose but artfully. Her make-up was minimal, but perfectly done.

"_You _haven't been with Alice all day," complained Bella.

Jasper frowned. "I know – you stole her."

"Yo, Isabella!" Emmett appeared in the room, and mock-punched Bella's arm, causing Alice to squeak in protest and clutch Jasper's arm. "You're gonna be my little sis soon!"

Bella smiled. "How's Edward doing?"

"Minimal, no longer imitating a winged insect," supplied Jasper.

"Huh?"

"A buzzy bee," said Emmett. "And Mr McHiccuppy over here."

"And Mr McPiss-on-Edward's-Dictionary," said Jasper.

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Great. My two new brothers."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17)**

**Taken from Breaking Dawn and adapted to third person. I can't write wedding scenes. The chapter after this one shall be the last. Trust me when I say that the last chapter will be HILARIOUS.  
**

The music of the Church was familiar, Wagner's traditional march with floods of embellishments.

"It's my turn," Alice chimed. "Count to five and follow me." She began a slow, graceful dance down the staircase.

With a stab of regret, Bella realized that having Alice as her only bridesmaid was a mistake: she would look that much more uncoordinated coming after her.

A sudden fanfare trilled through the soaring music, and Bella recognised her cue.

"Don't let me fall, Dad," she whispered. Charlie pulled her hand through his arm and then grasped it tightly.

_One step at a time_, she told herself as they began to descend to the slow tempo of the march. She didn't lift her eyes until her feet were safely on the flat ground, though she could hear the murmurs and rustling of the audience as she came into view. Blood flooded her cheeks at the sound; of course she could always be counted on to be the blushing bride.

As soon as her feet were past the treacherous stairs, she was looking for Edward. For a brief second, she was distracted by the profusion of white blossoms that hung in garlands from everything in the room that wasn't alive, dripping with long lines of white gossamer ribbons. But she tore her eyes from the bowery canopy and searched across the rows of satin-draped chairs – blushing more deeply as she took in the crowd of faces all focussed on her – until she found him at last, standing before an arch overflowing with more flowers, more gossamer.

She was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by his side, and Angela's father behind them both. She didn't see her mother where she must have been sitting in the front row, or her new family, or any of the guests – they would have to wait till later.

All she really saw was Edward's face; it filled her vision and overwhelmed her mind. His eyes were a buttery, burning gold; his perfect face was almost severe with the depth of his emotion. And then, as he met her awed gaze, he broke into a breathtaking smile of exultation.

Suddenly, it was only the pressure of Charlie's hand on hers that kept her from sprinting headlong down the aisle.

The march was too slow as she struggled to pace her steps to it's rhythm. Mercifully, the aisle was very short. And then, at last, at last, she was there. Edward held out his hand. Charlie took her hand and, in a symbol as old as the world, placed it in Edward's. She touched the warm miracle of his skin, and she was home.

Their vows were simple, traditional words that had been spoken a million times, though never by a couple quite like them.

As Bella looked into Edward's shining, triumphant eyes and knew that she was winning, too. Because nothing else mattered but that she could stay with him.

She didn't realize that she was crying until it was time to say the binding words.

"I do," she managed to choke out in a nearly intelligible whisper, blinking her eyes clear so she could see his face.

When it was his turn to speak, his words rang clear and victorious.

"I do," he vowed.

The vicar declared them husband and wife, and then Edward's hands reached up to cradle her face, carefully, as if it were as delicate as the white petals swaying above their heads. Bella tried to comprehend, through the film of tears blinding her, the surreal fact that this amazing person was hers. He bent his head toward hers, and she stretched up on the tips of her toes, throwing her arms – bouquet and all – around his neck.

He kissed her tenderly, adoringly; she forgot the crowd, the place, the time, the reason… only remembering that he loved her, that her wanted her, and that she was his.

He began the kiss, and he had to end it; she clung to him, ignoring the titters and the throat-clearing in the audience. Finally, his hands restrained her face and he pulled back – too soon – to look at her. On the surface his sudden smile was amused, almost a smirk. But underneath his momentary entertainment at her public humiliation was a deep joy that echoed her own.

The crowd erupted into applause, and he turned their bodies to face their friends and family. Bella couldn't look away from his face to see them.


	18. Chapter 18

Last chapter! For the full effect, put this in a youtube window: I love electro. the first result [the links wouldn't work]

Chapter 18)

"JASPER! CONTROL EM!" Edward pleaded, as he finished clearing up the broken vase.

Jasper mock-saluted and chased after Emmett, who was now skipping around the dance hall, singing "we're off to see the wizard". Rosalie had mysteriously left.

"Emmett, you are not seven. Stop trying to breakdance."

Emmett ignored Jasper.

"You are best man!"

Emmett toppled over and landed on his back.

"Karma," Jasper declared, walking back over to Alice.

She leant against him affectionately, planting a soft kiss against the crease in his elbow.

"You're too tiny," he murmured, sliding down the wall he leant against to sit on the floor.

She sat on his lap. "Well, you're all old," she defended.

"_Old_?" he repeated, a little hurt. "I'm 28."

"And I'm almost 21."

He pulled her off his lap, standing up. "Old my arse…"

"Jasper, I didn't mean it…"

He muttered something along the lines of "show her old" as he made his way over to Emmett and the dancefloor.

Alice sighed and walked over to Bella and Edward, who were 'mingling'.

"Why so glum?" Edward asked her, as she wrapped her arm around Bella's waist.

"I called Jasper 'old'," she admitted.

"He's not _that_ old," said Bella.

"What did he do?" Edward asked Alice.

"Walked over to Emmett."

Edward's expression turned to horror as he located them. They were both breakdancing, Jasper not looking too bad, actually. Their ties were around their heads, and they had attracted quite a crowd. Edward groaned, and began his slow walk towards them to tell them off.

Seeing him coming, Jasper quickly used Emmett to jump over and then hide behind.

"Jasper!"

"Let's hit with the wedding rap, Jazzicles," said Emmett.

"Nah, you made it up – it's shit."

"Better idea?"

Jasper went over to the DJ and spoke to him for a while.

[this is when you change the first track to this one] i believe in a thing called love - the darkness

Edward groaned as the opening bars came up, and could only watch in horror as Emmett and Jasper began a new breakdance / air-guitar performance. Worse still, they joined in with the chorus.

This would not be forgotten, as Alice was filming everything. Thank God for alcohol: it made everything go away, and was good for burning things. Maybe the video camera…

[stick this on] people take pictures of eachother - the kinks

[and finally this]all of my friends were there - the kinks

FIN!


End file.
